Dad at sea: what your child might feel when you leave… and how to help him/her live it differently

Marion Monnier
Oct 9
3 min read

Sailing is your job. But preserving your family life?

That’s a long-haul challenge.

This article is for you if you feel it’s time to do things differently ...

Living between two worlds

We’ve been living this unique lifestyle for 9 years now: the rhythm of marine rotation, alternating between months at sea… and months as a family on land — or more precisely, on our sailboat, which is our home.

At first, we improvised. We tried our best. We stumbled through:

changing schedules,
rushed goodbyes,
overwhelming reunions.

And sometimes, without meaning to, we created distance. We triggered wounds.

Not because of a lack of love.
Not because we didn’t care.
But because this kind of life isn’t taught anywhere.

Today, I want to share with you the 3 mistakes we made in the early years — mistakes I still see happening often in seafaring families.

🚩 Mistake1: Not talking clearly to your child before departure

I remember the first time we told our daughter only after her dad had left.

She was about 2 years old. We had friends over that weekend, and on Monday morning, her dad left very early — before she even woke up.

When she got up, the house felt empty. Our friends were gone. And so was her dad.

The transition was too brutal. She didn’t understand what had happened. She didn’t have time to say goodbye.

Later, we introduced a small but powerful ritual:

Starting 7 days before departure, we do a countdown:
“In 7 sleeps, Dad leaves again”, “In 6 sleeps…”
And we do the same for his return:
“In 5 sleeps, Dad might be back”

Why is this so important?

Because for a young child, not knowing when or if a parent will return can activate a deep wound of abandonment (see Lise Bourbeau – The Five Wounds That Keep You from Being Yourself).

Even if your child is very young, tell them:

“Dad is leaving… but he’s coming back. He always comes back.”

This creates a sense of security, a reference point in the middle of emotional uncertainty.

🚩 Mistake 2: Planning everything around the sailor’s schedule

We used to plan our whole family life based on embarkations and disembarkations.

We’d say things like:

“When Dad gets back, we’ll celebrate your birthday…”“We’ll go away next weekend, he should be home…”

And then… plans changed. Delays. Extra days at sea. Unplanned shifts.

The emotional result?

Frustration. Disappointment.Sometimes anger.Even resentment — from the children, the partner.

“He was supposed to be here. He missed the party again. We had planned this for months…”

What we do now and what changes everything is this:

We organize our land life as if we were a single-parent family.

The structure, the calendar, the activities…are planned without relying on the sailor’s presence.

If he’s there? Amazing.
If not? It’s okay.

“That’s part of his job. And even if he’s not here physically, he’s still here in our hearts. We love him just the same.”

It helps avoid disappointment and the wound of injustice — which can arise when a child or partner feels like they’re constantly sacrificing or getting “less.”

🚩 Mistake 3: Not talking about the parent who’s away

At the beginning, we didn’t talk about “Dad” much when he was gone.

No mentions.
We thought: out of sight, out of mind = easier for everyone

But that’s not true. Silence creates more disconnection. It erases part of the family system.

Today, we do the opposite:

His photo is visible — he’s even on our vision board, inside the square on our boat.
We talk about him every day, in a natural and loving way.
We message or call when we can — but if we miss a few days, it’s no big deal. The connection remains.
We speak about him with admiration, love, kindness.It makes a difference — for the kids, and for the parent at sea.

You’re not just a sailor — you’re a parent who cares ❤️

The truth is:

many sailors carry silent guilt.
Guilt for not being there for their children.
For missing moments they’ll never get back.
For not knowing how to help from afar.

But you don’t have to carry that guilt alone.

There are simple, sincere ways to keep the bond alive — even across oceans.

If this life stirs something deep in you…
If you want to create a joyful, lasting shift in your relationship with your partner and your children…
If you're ready to be supported by someone who’s walked this path…

🎁 I offer a free 30-minute connection call — a safe space to talk, with no pressure and full confidentiality.

Let’s navigate this together.

👉 You can Discover my supports here

Take care,

Marion